|crowded Con, but Nothankyou. Yes, I will deign to return to the too-
crowded Con, but deign to return to the too-crowded Con, but only to
the classrooms upstairs, to catch panels and awards presentations.
The first item I would need is my trusty backpack with wheels. I know
they’re not allowed, but experience has told me that between the Sign
In Windows and the Entrance, I usually pick up about 25 lbs. of free
post cards and comic books. That’s already one-quarter of my body
weight and I haven’t even bought the suit of armor I’ve been lusting for.
Next item of necessity are my Heelies. You know what Heelies are, don’
t you? They’re those sneakers with wheels in the heel that all the kids
have. Of course I have a pair, too, but mine are portable and slap on
over my Manolos. My Heelies are also extremely cool and light up the
faster I roll! Can you think of a better way to get from point A to point
B? I can’t. I know they’re not allowed, but I won’t get busted;
experience has told me most people don’t believe their eyes when they
see a woman my age go heeling by.
My last item of necessity are my astronaut diapers. An astronaut’s
mission is to cover the vastness of outer space and my mission is to
cover the vastness of Convention Center Exhibit Hall and neither
mission involves wasting time standing in line at the Ladies' Room!
Yes, astro-diapers a yucky thought, but if they’re good enough for
America’s heroes Neil Armstrong and John Glenn, by god they’re good
enough for me! C U at the Con!